THE 3 RELATIONSHIPS BY MATTHEW HUSSEY
Newsletter 1 - Anxiety
Re: 🧡 Stop anxiety from hijacking your dating life
Hi [person’s name],
Hey! Before we dive into today’s newsletter—just a quick heads up:
Missed the live kickoff for the 30-Day Confidence Challenge? You’re in luck—the replay is here, and it’s packed with everything you need to reset your confidence, start showing up as the boldest version of yourself, and get rid of “the anxiety claw” (which I talk about below) for good.
Inside, I reveal the subtle mindset shifts and practical tools that will help you stop overthinking, take control of your emotions, and build unstoppable momentum over the next 30 days. Plus, you’ll get the 5 missions designed to push you out of your comfort zone and into real progress. Don’t wait—this replay is your chance to join thousands already transforming their confidence. 🎥 Watch it now before it’s gone!
In my 17 years of helping people navigate their dating lives, I’ve seen that exhilaration and anxiety often go hand-in-hand. The early stages of getting to know someone often feel like walking a tightrope—balancing the excitement of possibility with the fear of rejection or uncertainty.
If you’ve ever found yourself overanalyzing a text, questioning someone’s intentions, or feeling consumed by worry . . . it’s not just you. Anxiety has a way of creeping in, turning what should be a fun experience into self-doubt.
So, how do you regain your confidence when anxiety starts to take over?
The first step is understanding how anxiety operates. Think of it like a claw machine at an arcade. Anxiety is the claw, constantly searching for something to grab. One day, it might latch on to the fact that someone didn’t text you back right away. The next day, it might obsess over whether that person is dating other people.
After you resolve one worry, the claw simply moves on to the next one. It’s always active, always looking for the next thing. When we realize this, we come to see that the problem isn’t the particular worry the claw is holding on to—it’s the claw itself.
Recognizing this pattern is crucial because it allows you to stop giving so much weight to the objects of your anxiety, and start addressing the root cause: the anxious impulse itself.
When you notice anxiety creeping in, pause and label it for what it is. Say to yourself, “This is anxiety.”
By doing this, you create a moment of awareness that helps you separate your emotions from reality. For example, if you’re feeling anxious because they haven’t texted back, remind yourself that whatever their feelings may be, your anxiety is looking for something to latch on to, and even if you resolve this worry, it will find something else an hour from now. It’s just what it does.
“The claw” wants you to focus on what it has chosen as the all-consuming concern of the day—it’s like it’s pointing at it saying: “You need to ruminate constantly about this thing in order to keep us safe, do you hear me?”
Our job instead is to bring awareness to “the claw” itself—watching what it does, noticing that it will always do exactly this, today, tomorrow, and the next day.
Watch it long enough and you’ll begin to see the absurdity of how quickly it will simply drop one object and move on to another over and over again, like a small child dispassionately dropping a toy and picking up another one he or she is newly excited about.
When we do this, the objects the claw of anxiety holds—the text we haven’t received, the fear about our future prospects, or perhaps the idea that someone is mad at us—don’t seem all that important anymore. What emerges in place of our anxiety is a newfound sympathy for the person whose genetic makeup, or life circumstances, made them feel the need to invent the claw in the first place.
Until next time,
[Signature: Matthew Hussey]
Want more?
New podcast episode: Does flirting make you feel awkward? You’re not alone—and this episode is here to help. Join Audrey, Stephen, and me as we uncover the invisible flirting techniques that make sparking chemistry feel natural and effortless.
From decoding subtle signs of interest to mastering playful teasing, this episode is full of practical tips to help you flirt with confidence—whether it’s with someone new or a person already in your life. Watch on YouTube or listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or other podcast platforms.
mh - Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey, 1049 Havenhurst Drive, Suite 320, West Hollywood, CA 90046
Newsletter 2 - Larger Life
Re: 🧡 Little Steps to a Larger Life – Part 1
Dear [person’s name],
Konnichiwa!
I’m writing to you from a cafe in Tokyo, the beautiful city where Audrey and I are stationed for most of the month.
Japan is one of my happy places. I come here as often as my schedule will allow, to switch off, be carefree, and, well, eat. I have not mastered the art of doing Japan in a healthy way.
Before you say, “But sushi! Fresh fish!” Yes, but also, Yakitori, Yakiniku, Ramen, Okonomiyaki, Tonkatsu, Udon, Shabu-Shabu (can I say McDonald’s? It’s just so damn good here.) I could go on . . .
Eh, I’ll work it off when I’m home.
Let’s Go
“Little Steps to a Larger Life – Part I”
Don’t we all want a life rich in moments and experiences we could talk about forever? Here are some of the simple-yet-profound ways I get myself to live a bigger life. They work; I hope you’ll try them—especially in moments when you don’t feel like leaving the house. (Trust me, I basically live in this state, despite all the things I do.)
Make a Micro-Mission
Around the age of 25, I began touring with my events. Doing this in America was the fulfillment of a dream. Only it wasn’t like it is now, where I usually get to take a small crew with me (which includes Audrey).
Back then, it was just me. And when my “show of one” would arrive in New York, San Francisco, or Los Angeles, I would once again find my shy and introverted nature kicking in. It would tell me to order room service in the hotel and chill inside my 500-square-foot surrogate home for the night.
I would get around this impulse by giving myself a micro-mission. Why? Because part of the problem was that I was making it too big of a deal. The stakes were too high in my head. In my mind, I was supposed to go out and have the night of my life in New York. Overwhelming phrases like “hit the town” and “explore the city” reverberated in my reluctant mind.
What I realized was that I needed to lower the stakes, keep it simple, and make it easy. So I would tell myself, “OK, Matthew, let’s find the nearest recommended bar or lounge, go there, have one drink, then come back.”
That was my rule: one drink. And it worked. When I made it a micro-mission, my mind eased up, and when it eased up, I was free to go and experience that moment without the burden of expectation. I would also build on micro-missions by adding new layers. One layer I added was making it a rule that I had to sit at the bar, where conversations were more likely to happen, rather than sitting at a table away from the action. I also added the layer that during the drink, I had to engage someone nearby, even if it was just the bartender after I’d already ordered my drink.
I’m well aware of how pathetic this sounds. But I know myself, and I don’t lie to myself about my nature. It’s something that has marked my growth: genuine awareness of myself, and an acceptance of the ways I need to work with that self. Without this, my nature is free to take the wheel unobstructed by me, the parent who’s supposed to be in control. Ignoring a child’s issues—or pretending they don’t have any—may feel more comfortable in the moment, but it won’t when we receive a call from the school saying they haven’t been going there for the last two weeks.
Sometimes these micro-missions proceeded perfunctorily: I would sit for 30 minutes, have my drink, and go back to the hotel. Though even then, I’d be proud of myself for doing something instead of nothing. Other times, my micro-missions led to entire unexpected evenings I still treasure today.
I went out, I was open, and the city—feeling generous that night—did the rest.
(Keep an eye on your inbox in a week for the second half of this topic!)
Want More?
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Thanks for reading The 3 Relationships.
Till our next moment of connection . . .
Love life.
[Signature: Matthew Hussey]
mh - Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey, 1049 Havenhurst Drive, Suite 320, West Hollywood, CA 90046
Newsletter 3 - Nervousness
Re: 🧡 Overcoming nervousness
Dear [person’s name],
Since I’m flying home from Japan today, I asked my brother Stephen to write the main part of this week’s 3 Relationships email. He took a big leap last week . . . read all about it below!
“Overcoming Nervousness: A Guide to Owning the Stage and Your Confidence”
By Stephen Hussey
I am a shy introverted person.
I’m pretty sure shyness is something you’re born with. I never really remember a time without it. When I was a kid, I would happily spend hours alone with my toys, books, video games—my room was my safe little corner of the world, the only place I could truly be myself.
When I met new people, I found eye contact intimidating. I was scared of doing something embarrassing. I never wanted to be the one to walk over at the party and introduce myself.
And yet I feel with some pride, looking back at my life, how this trait has never stopped me. Most friends consider me a relaxed, confident person. I’ve had a full and exciting dating life. I’ve spoken to crowds of over 200 people.
And last week, I even performed stand-up comedy for the first time in LA. I’ve always wanted to check off this bucket list item, and it was like nothing else I’ve ever experienced.
So with this in mind, I wanted to give some mental reframes and strategies I’ve used over my life to transform nerves into fuel.
Don’t Impress, Connect
Nerves often come from self-consciousness. “What if I look foolish?” Instead of worrying about how you’re perceived, think about what you want to give to your audience.
Ask yourself, “What would make them feel comfortable?” Chances are, it’s your calm, warm, generous presence. When you start focusing on being a source of positive energy, the pressure lifts. Your job isn’t to impress, your job is to connect.
Slow Down
Nervous energy often translates into rushed speech, scattered thoughts, and a sense of overwhelm. But you always have more time and space than you think. Take a deep breath. Slow down.
When you stumble, and you might, own it with humor or grace. People are less critical of mistakes when they see you’re not obsessing over them. In fact, acknowledging them makes you more relatable.
Trust Your Preparation
Here’s a truth about confidence: It’s built in practice. Yes, you can wing it occasionally, but true calm comes from knowing you’ve prepared. Spend time rehearsing, practicing, and refining your message. Once you’ve done the work, trust yourself to deliver it.
And when doubts creep in, remind yourself why your message matters. What’s the heart of what you’re trying to say? When you stay rooted in that purpose, authenticity takes center stage.
Remember Why OTHER People Are Here
People aren’t showing up to criticize you; they want to have a good time. They’re not there to scrutinize every word—you’re just a piece of their evening, their experience, their day.
Instead of seeing your performance, conversation, or speech as an adversarial challenge to win people over, think of it as an offering. You’re extending a hand of connection and saying, “I’m human, just like you, and I see you.”
Make Nervousness Your Ally
Nervousness isn’t the enemy—it’s a sign that you care. It’s your body gearing up for something important. Instead of resisting it, dance with it. Acknowledge it, thank it for its presence, and give yourself love, knowing you’ll still be here afterward for yourself no matter what.
Over time, you’ll find that what once felt like an obstacle becomes an asset.
Nervousness is just a tool. It sharpens your focus, keeps you on your toes, and reminds you that what you’re doing matters.
Want More?
New video:
My latest video, “6 Signs They’re Serious About You,” really seems to have resonated with many people! MJ said, “One of your best ever videos,” Strava commented, “Wow, this video felt like a refreshing waterfall of common sense,” and Emily shared, “I’m so glad you uploaded this video. The depth you go into is outstanding—you seem to cover all the scenarios.” If you want to know where you stand with someone, no matter which stage of dating you’re in, you can’t miss it.
Thanks for reading The 3 Relationships.
Till our next moment of connection . . .
Love life.
[Signature: Matthew Hussey]
P.S. If you enjoyed this week’s email, try putting the suggestions into action and let me know how it goes. Have a story about overcoming nervousness or a strategy that works for you? Just hit “reply” and share. Stephen and I would love to hear about it—or whatever else is on your mind!
mh - Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey, 1049 Havenhurst Drive, Suite 320, West Hollywood, CA 90046
Note: This content was adapted from Matthew Hussey’s The 3 Relationships newsletter emails for translation as part of an educational program.